


The Light Outside of Arkham

by ThatHotStuff



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Telltale Series (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Developing Relationship, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Poor John Doe (Telltale), Relationship Problems, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:01:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26654104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatHotStuff/pseuds/ThatHotStuff
Summary: After a terrible nightmare, John wakes up alone in a lonely haunting cell at Arkham Asylum. Longing for Bruce more than ever, John decides to create his own working batsignal.
Relationships: John Doe/Bruce Wayne, Joker (DCU)/Bruce Wayne
Comments: 6
Kudos: 111





	The Light Outside of Arkham

John lunged up with a violent jerk. The sharp stench of mixed chemicals still remained to assault his nostrils, as he fought himself back to reality. John held his stomach tightly with one hand, as he was unable to suppress the chocked coughs that bursted out of his mouth uncontrollably. _I can’t breathe,_ he realized, _it feels like, I’m drowning._ For a moment, all his half-lidded glazed eyes were able to make out, was a form of heavy green flood surrounding him, slowly circling in on him like a lion, before it catches its prey. John blinked uncontrollably in a pity attempt to make the stinging, that was tearing on his eyes, disappear.

However as the green fog began to shrink into small blobs on John’s vision, he was able to make out, what would resemble a room. His wide eyes darted around the fainted pearl walls surrounding him, as he blinked rapidly to try to numb the glassiness that had formed in his eye-sockets. The man’s hands grasped for the blanket covering his legs, slender fingers clenching around it rigidly, as he tried to focus on the fuzzy softness of the blanket. John closed his eyes shut ferociously. He was shaking brutally, as his muscles all tensed up to form an agonizing cramp throughout John’s whole body. Everything felt so cold, as though someone had gone ahead and splashed a bucket of frosty water over him. As John’s hopelessness only seemed to grow stronger for each passing second, a voice broke through the chaos tearing on his mind: _Breathe **.**_ The voice carried the caring yet firm tone that he always recognized from Dr. Leland. John felt the forceful grip on the blanket abate a little, some of the warmness returning to his fingers. Dr. Leland always advised him to focus on his breathing in stressful situations. The faint words of a session with Dr. Leland session, rang vehemently in John’s ears: _If you simply remember to breathe, use the breathing techniques we’ve gone through for an example, then you might find the upsetting issue at hand more bearable. You can’t think, if you don’t have a clear head after all._ __

John let out a small sigh, as he tried to clear out the dizziness fogging his senses. _Okay, breathe. Sure, I can do that! No worries!_ A shaky half-hearted laugh brushed past the man’s lips, though it felt all but reassuring. A distant name of an exercise was pondering on the corners of his memory. John ran a hand through his damp hair, as the name kept nagging him from the shadows of his mind. _There was a breathing exercise, argh! What did Dr. Leland call it?_ _R-resona… Resonant breathing!_ John did a small jumpy bounce on the bed in victory. A shining glint emerged in his acid pupils, however it vanished almost as swiftly, as it had first appeared.

 _Okay, he could do this. Piece of cake or… something like that._ John shifted on the bed in a pity attempt to make himself comfortable. Though nothing seemed to be able to reduce the huge knot in the man’s stomach, which was tearing on his insides at that moment. He bended both of his knees outwards and placed the two feet together to resemble a classic meditation position. John winced and tried to ignore the pain from the movement. His muscles had become so compressed feeling as though, they had been chained in place with a forcible iron-grip.

Shakenly John attempted to take a deep breath but fails, as it turned out to become more like a weak puff. John felt his vision spinning slightly, as he tried to hold his breath. _It’s only five seconds, John, you can do this!_ Though John was not in any danger of being strangled, the hysterical feeling of pressure around his neck would not ease up. He tried sinking the hefty lump that was clinging to his throat but to no avail. Oh, how he wished Bruce was here right now. Bruce would know how to calm John down. He always did.

John felt his face soften at the thought of the raven-haired billionaire. John let his eyelids flutter shut for a minute, as he pictured the shy smile and all-consuming strong yet affectionate gaze of the other man- _1._ Oh, how he seeked the sound of Bruce’s earnest modulated voice - _2_ \- that always held some special softness, whenever the man spoke to John- _3._ He always managed to make everything seem okay _\- 4 -_ even when it wasn’t, even when John mostly felt, as though his whole world was falling apart- _5._ John exhaled, as he continued to count the seconds: _1\. 2. 3. 4. 5._ The sound of Bruce’s counting made the whole world seem to dissolve around him. Suddenly the seconds did not seem to pass so slowly anymore, suddenly the strong grip around his throat seemed to loosen. John continued the pattern of the exercise for a few minutes. Already was he able to feel, how a wave of calmness flew over him with each breath, he exhaled. The carrousel in his mind had previously been spinning with rapid thunderous speed, but was now beginning to slow down. John’s brain no longer seemed to be on the edge of explosion from all the frantic chaos in his thoughts, instead now every impression felt a lot more tolerable and not causing a feeling of intense nausea.

However, though his mind gradually came to an ease and was returning from whatever post-apocalyptic fantasy, John had felt trapped in, the aching stiffness in his muscles would not disappear. It was as though, his body expected some dangerous threat to jump out from the shadows at any given time now. John’s chest held so much constriction, as if an attacker was keeping him in a tight unescapable grasp. It made him anxious. It made him feel cornered **.** John scratched his wrists unconsciously, the skin on his arms turning an irritated rose color. However, as his immense gaze anxiously scurried across the room, the sight of a framed picture on a shelf, made the acid eyes freeze in their tracks: It was a picture of Bruce and him. John let out a sigh of longing, as his heart ached in his chest. How he missed Bruce. _I could really use you here right now buddy._

Some of the tenderness returned to John’s eyes, as a small spark of hope lighted in his chest. John’s hands reached beneath the mattress and fumbled frantically, before finally bumping into, what the man hoped was, what he had been searching for. And sure enough, soon a heavy aluminum shaft was pulled out from under the springs. He let the shaft wander from one hand to another, examining it closely, as he tentatively brushed his finger over the red-lighted switch. A bright light abruptly erupted from the device and brightened up the whole room instantly. John yelped in surprise from the sudden flash and squeezed his eyes shut in response, quickly fumbling with the switch to once more turn off the flashlight. _Perfeeeect,_ he thought to himself, as an invincible grin spread across his features. _Now all I need is something, I can use as a symbol._ _Shouldn’t be too hard now, should it?_

John fought himself up from the comfortness of his bed and over to the shelf. His eyes analytically wandered over the items all carefully displayed on there. John’s eyebrows furrowed, as he pondered over, what could be considered useful for his innovation. The man’s wiry fingertips touched the back of the photo frame and pulled out a small tabloid paper cutout. He lifted the piece of material up to his lips, before giving it a long wet lick with his tongue. _That’d have to do,_ John assured himself and plastered it onto the bulb of the flashlight. Hastily the pale man turned around and hurried over to the window next to his bed, nearly falling over his own feet several times on the way, not able to contain his excitement about, what might happened next.

As John stared up into the starry night sky, he felt himself clutching onto the aluminum shaft, as though his life depended on it. _This had to work - it just had to._ John whispered a desperate yet gentle prayer. His fingers were shaking apprehensively, as the switch went from a red to a green light. John squeezed his eyelids shut forcefully, already preparing himself for the blow of failure. However, as the man’s eyelids fluttered open, he discovered a blurry, but still perfectly fine working light shining on the night sky. A faint shadowy silhouette of a bat decorating the middle. John let out a gasp, gawking wide-eyed up on the lighted bat symbol in utter shock. _It worked! Wow! It really worked!_ He almost dropped the flashlight, as his hands threw themselves up in the air shaking uncontrollably. A shrilling laugh bursted out from the man’s lips, a broad grin plastered on his face. However, he quickly fought back to regain his composure: _Wouldn’t want to attract any unnecessary attention from guards._ John shh’ed himself.

The sparking acid gaze was glued to the fainted bat-signal on the sky, as John waited for… something to happen, anything really. A cramped sting had worked its way behind his eyes. The stinging only grew more and more painful for each passing second, as John forgot to blink, every once a while, terrified that if he teared his attention away for even the smallest amount of time, something would go terribly wrong. John was repeatedly counting each minute passing, and as time continued to progress, he only felt the stab in his heart growing deeper and deeper. His smiling mask was beginning to crack, the light in his eyes beginning to fade. The man let out a huff sigh and ran a hand through clammed hair. _I guess… game’s over._ His finger lingered over the switch in defeat. However, a flying shadow could be seen passing the light for just a split second, making John completely freeze in his tracks to stare into the ghostly night. This narrow movement was unobtrusive and propitious that it would have gone unnoticed by anyone, however not John. No, John would be able to recognize those movements- that shadow _anywhere._ _He was here._ John could not fight the fruity flutter that was tinkling against his chest.

The shadow from before soon returned and took the form of a bat silhouette, as it appeared to move nearer and nearer. Soon enough, John was able to make out the shift of a cape fluttering through the wind: the cape spread out extensively across the gloomy sky. The sight alone caused a huge shiver to run down John’s back, as his heart sped up its pace. However, though most people - mainly criminals - turned frightened by the sight, making even the most thick-skinned and cold-hearted offenders instantly piss their pants and sprint away, John would do the opposite. He embraced the sight with open arms almost humming a happy tune in pure delight.

The faint sound of a subdued thumb could be heard, as metallic armor hit tiles of concrete. The pitch-black shadow had clashed down from the sky and taken the form of a human. He was kneeling on the roof, having landed flawlessly with one hand planted on the roof tiles in order to steady himself from the impact of the fall. John felt a thrill rushing through his spine and a small giggle escaped his mouth, as he felt his whole body wiggling with giddiness **.** His hands clapped together eagerly, but John soon attempted to regain his composure anew, as the man before him arose from the ground.

''John, what is going o- '' Bruce sprinted over to the poor windows of John’s cell. A strain had crept into the usual gruff manipulated voice of the mask. However, as Bruce got close enough to make out John’s unharmed figure, he stopped dead in his tracks. His eyes were scanning John intensely, before wandering a few steps around the area, as if to point out anything unusual. As he was scanning the area, John noticed the visible clench of Bruce’s jaw. _Funny,_ he considered to himself, _but that only happened when Bruce was… distressed?_ John studied the other man for a moment with tight and worried eyes. _Huh, must’ve been a rough night,_ He decided to shrug it off and try not to let Bruce’s grumpiness ruin, the bubbling sensation that was expanding inside his stomach.

John could not help, but burst into a wide grin, as he jumped a little on the spot excitedly. _Bruce was really here!_ However, John’s excitement seemed to deflate a little, as the cold stare of lighted eyes bore into him. Suddenly it felt as though, John’s tongue had been tied into several tight knots, and he was not able to make out any sensible words. His brain was filled with so many sentences, he all wanted to say simultaneously, and they were all becoming very difficult to tell apart: ''Bruce! Buddy! Wow, I can’t believe, this really worked. You’re really her- ''

''John, focus. '' The sternness in the modulated gruff voice, made John flinch. Though he knew, the sound of Batman’s modulated voice pretty well by now, it failed to capture the charm and affection of Bruce’s usual tone. It made John feel as a foreign, like a stranger… A soft clutch developed in his stomach, and John shook his head promptly to try to distract himself from the growing pain in his gut.

''Oh! Right. Sorry. '' He smiled sheepishly. The beam quickly dissolved though, as he was met with Bruce’s disapproving frown. John’s eyes flickered to focus on the boring pearl walls in the room instead. He tucked at the hem of his shirt. The mask made it impossible to figure out, what Bruce’s facial expressions were. What almost bothered John the most was that the cowl managed to hide Bruce’s eyes. It made the dear fondness in Bruce’s stormy eyes become completely secluded. Instead, it was replaced with some type of anger… Wait, was Bruce angry with him?

''Are you in trouble? Did something happen? '' Though the modulator still wringed Bruce’s voice to present as an aggressive growl, John did not fail to catch the worry in the voice. The slight cracking at the ending of the words, as he spoke. Bruce thought something had happened to John. _Oh._ John felt his face turn warm and fuzzy, as he gently brushed his own arm. The clutch in his stomach seemed to be growing more unbearable for every passing second.

''Uhmmmm, no? I guess, it makes sense, why you would think so, with the batsignal and all- '' a giggling fit was nagging at John’s stomach and building up in his throat. A couple of strained giggles managed to make it past John’s lips, as tried to do a couple of deep exhales through his nostrils. When his shoulders finally seemed to relax again, and he didn’t feel the same constriction around his chest, John gained the courage to meet Batman’s eyes. The armored man was still standing on the opposite side of the window, and his lips had been pressed into a thin line. John tried to swallow the lump that had become stuck in his throat: **''** But it’s just, uhm, well. I had this bad dream, and I woke up- and you haven’t really visited me lately, so I thought maybe- huh, this is kinda embarrassing to admit out loud- I, uh, I missed you Bruce. Like a lot. I just wanted to see you. ''

''John, this- '' he threw his hand in the direction of the bat-symbol, pointing at the silhouette with a stern finger. ''Is only for emergency purposes. There are people out there, who needs me. ''

As the tensing atmosphere cornered him, John felt jittery chuckle leave his mouth, before he was able to suppress it. This caused Bruce’s frown to grow even deeper. John lowered his gaze a little, fidgeting with his hands that had quickly gone very sweaty. He continued to open and close his mouth for a while struggling to find the courage to speak. Perhaps if he just brushed it off, as it was nothing, Bruce would be willing to forget about it all: ''Ha. Yeah of course, I understand- it was a stupid idea anyways. It’s just… I-I need you too Bruce... you know. ''

John felt as though, someone had been trying to strangle his neck, as he forced the last words out. The suffocating silence that followed made all of John’s insides turn ice-cold. If he had ever been able to remember his mom, he figured, this would be one of those moments, where he wished to seek her for comfort and a shoulder to cry on.

Bruce shifted the weight of his feet slightly. It would have been unnoticeable for most people, but John had spent so many hours with this man that he’d had learned the vigilante’s body language by heart. It had almost become a form of special language to him. Bruce crossed his arms, as if encouraging John to elaborate.

John’s breath hitched in his throat, and he tucked uncomfortably on the hem of his uniform, as he awaited the return of his speaking abilities. John had completely been stripped of his skin leaving only his naked heart for Bruce to see. A tremble ran through his body in response: _I guess, it’s time you really let Bruce know, how you feel._

''T-trust me, I know the people need B-Batman, but we’re some, who need B-Bruce Wayne too. '' John wrapped his arms around himself, as he stuttered out the entire sentence. It felt, as if John had received a knockout punch to his gut, and he had no idea why. Perhaps, it was because, he had not been trained in showing that kind of vulnerability towards a loved one. Sure, he could occasionally explain his feelings at his sessions with Dr. Leland, but that was Dr. Leland! Not _Bruce Wayne_ : Successful, smart and super handsome billionaire - like how was this guy not absolutely just one to drool over? - Not to mention, he was also the man behind the mask of Gotham’s most beloved dark knight. A vigilante protecting the innocents and suppressed, who are not able to stand up for themselves.

''I can’t help anyone as Bruce Wayne. '' Batman stated firmly, crossing his arms. John began to pull on chunks of his green hair, until his whole scalp had gone numb from the stinging of pain. His muscles kept tensing and untensing, as a raging outburst had begun to form deep inside the pit of his stomach. Slowly becoming harder to contain for each passing second.

Suddenly John could not keep it together anymore. With a violent force, he stomped his foot down on the floor, causing a sharp jolt to be sent up his leg. Bruce took a hesitant step towards the window, raising his hand in a comforting manner. However, this only lead to John abruptly jerking away from the window.

His whole body was shaking by now. All the rage had become so incredibly overwhelming, John had absolutely no idea, how to contain it anymore. A headache had formed in his head and was pounding heavily against his skull. The agonizing thought of Bruce abandoning him kept tearing on John’s consciousness. And though John kept pushing the feeling to the back of his mind, it came resurfacing almost instantly. Why else would Bruce never visit anymore? Why else would he be so cold towards John now?

John sharply turned to face the masked crusader. His face was twisted into one of pure rage, and he threw his hands around frantically, as he yelled to the man before him: ''Ugh! Can’t you see Batman pushes people away?! You’re pushing me away, just as you did with Cat Lady and Jeeves and… ''

John was immediately snapped out of his rage, as he met the silent eyes of the batman mask **.** His shoulders slumped down like a potato sack, and a huge clutch was suddenly threatening to rip open his chest. The realization of what John had actually screamed at Bruce, was finally beginning to sink in, and it felt as if John had just been hit by a car… multiplied with a hundred. The clenched jaw and slightly curled lip of the vigilante only adding to the growing knot in John’s stomach.

''Oh no, I didn’t mean that. I-I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have said so… '' The room was beginning to spin turning John nauseous. _Oh heaven, why did I say that? How could I possibly accuse Bruce of such a thing! Bruce never does anything wrong, he didn’t push people away!_

 _This has to be my fault, I should… should’ve been more patient! Bruce was a busy business man doing busying business stuff, he doesn’t have the schedule to check up on some delusional patient like me every week!_ John grasped tightly at his uniform, as his fist began shaking in strain of the tight grip. He teared his gaze away from the eyes of the cowl, not able to bear the obvious disappointment, he would find in them. John’s own pupils were darting across his cell rapidly. He needed something else to focus on. Anything. However all the picture-frames, the batman paper cutouts and the gifts from Bruce’s visits item simply turned into another painful reminder of, how much he had hurt the most important person in his life.

John became overwhelmed by the sudden suffocating pressure in his throat that had gotten so tight, he felt as if, he was being chocked. As panic seemed to overload him, he anxiously he let out a few giggles that soon escalated into a full-blown hysterical laughing fit. John’s giggles continued to turn more hoarse and strong, causing each laugh to feel like a slit to his throat. He clutched his chest in pain. The laughter soon evolved into strangled coughs, as John had seemed to forget the ability to breathe. His eyes were sprinting around everywhere now, trying to find anything that could help him.

When John’s eyes landed on the window, he stilled for a second. Bruce had come close all the way over to the window. John stared at Bruce wide-eyed in a mix of distress and confusion. The tenseness in the air between them unbearable and agonizing.

''You’re right. '' A puff of foggy air was formed in the chilly midnight, as Bruce sighed. The whole armor seemed to shrink in size, as Bruce’s body slumped in guilt.

Time seemed to freeze, as the two people kept a long silent eye contact, uncertain of how to approach each other. From this moment on, a silent agreement had been exchanged between them: they were never to push each other away.

Bruce moved on to take off his cowl in a careful motion with his hands. John’s breath hitched, as he was captivated by those all-consuming electric eyes of Bruce’s. The crusader sat down with his mask in hand never once breaking the intense eye-contact with John. A shy smirk brushed past Bruce’s lips, as he offered John a soft tenderly expression: ''So how was your day? ''

John felt his own face light up in return at the question.

  


**Author's Note:**

> This didn't turn out exactly, how I wanted it to, and I'm not sure whether it was worth a read, but the idea has been nagging me so, here it is. There might be a couple of errors, as I edited this at 2 AM, but I will try to edit it over again next week.
> 
> If you enjoyed feel free to leave kudos or a comment, so I'll know, if my writing was worth a read! <3


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